Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
