I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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