i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
