this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
