Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
