I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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