Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
