I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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