When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
