Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how does that bad decision feel?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
