So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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