uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
