what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
