but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
