you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
