does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
