Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So apparently I’m into choking now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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