Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
