i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
