So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
