Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
