I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
