Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
