I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
