The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
