I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
