I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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