if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
