So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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