how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
