drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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