I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
