it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
