Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
