im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
