I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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