Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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