i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
