You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
