She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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