THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
