Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
