You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize