he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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