The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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