You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
