She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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