She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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