while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
