you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
