i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
