The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
