ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
