I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
