Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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