Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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