so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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