You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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